Any parent will be able to relate to a crazy household in the mornings. Before school preparation is no different in our house. It’s mostly me asking nicely for the kids to do something, get dressed, eat, hair etc but eventually is me yelling and running around like a mad woman attempting to dress kids – fully able to do it themselves – while they cry about not being able to eat breakfast without their shoes being on (since when?!?!?!). I’m known around the primary school as the mum whose Boy never wears shoes, but since today, he needs them on to eat breakfast. Hu?
Last year, first day of term 4 my man received a text from me with a request for boarding school. He replied with ‘Both were bad?‘ , my reply …
Kitten was up late and sookie and nervous of school and being bullied and her uniform only feels good with a long sleeve under it and her mossie bite needs cream and she only wants her hair like this or that… finally 8am I get downstaris and Boy isn’t dressed (I had his clothes but spent time sorting out the princess) and then I start saying “of course he’s not dressed I just was up with you for the last 30 mins!” so I go for a shower and he trashes his room, hurts his foot – no I can’t come out of the shower and kiss your booboo and huggies, no crying and big a tanty doesn’t make me want to come for cuddles… but he does dress himself in completely different clothes (but a kindy shirt), track pants, no undies and a set of knee pads, because that’s how the hulk rolls and I pack their bags and suncream up Kitten. Boy doesn’t like the toothpaste but yes you can show me how your knee pads make you slide across the bathroom tiles with a run up from the main bedroom – 4 times, yes, okay, so now we can brush teeth – great. Go to do Boys suncream have to chase him around by the time we’re finished he’s in a major tanty and I have to force him into the car. Get to school, late. Drop Kitten off, she notes that I’ve given her the Boys drink bottle, oops I don’t know where her blue one is, no Boy you can’t have it. He begins scratching and hitting me and yelling in the class room. No Kitten I didn’t pack you a gourmet salad lunch I have done vegemite and cheese and a pear and some crackers because everything else got eaten, no I probably wont make a special salad tomorrow either. He’s still hitting me. I insist that Kitten use boys red drink bottle as he has one in his bag and I’m not going back to the car since it’s parked half the school away. He is still angry, she cuddles me 80 times before I leave – it’s like I’m moving overseas and will never see her again. Boy is still pissed at me but insists I carry on him (not on my back) he snuggles in (as if he hasn’t behaved like a brat) and asked that we can bikeride to Kitten’s school for drop offs. This is a lovely idea that can’t happen on any day we’ve got commitments (oh that’s every day). Then I have to force him into his seat because he doesn’t like kindy any more and doesn’t want to go. Then the entire way he’s screaming at me because he wants to say something and I won’t “LOOK AT HIM”. I can’t look Boy, I’m driving the car! Get him there and he won’t detach. I try to leave four times and he’s like an octopus! Then finally Kathy [the teachers aid] comes and asks if he’ll help her with a job (he loves helping but … mummy is there still…) I detach and he starts a full scale scream and I bust out and run to the car. Lock myself in and think… Boarding School. No, it’s not that they are bad, they just are like little leaches and can’t seem to remove them at drop off times. Coffee stop for sanity. Home, great Mac (very old dog) has found the pizza box, its everywhere. Only thing messier are kids toys, and perhaps the kitchen. Cat litter stinks, cleaned it out twice yesterday. will have to pop into city farmers today and see if I can get a higher side smaller tray that we don’t have to cut because that dome can be handy – once Mac has departed. Okay going to go clean up now before Electrician gets here and thinks we’re trash horders and crazy cat people and reports us to the health department or child welfare or something….
He replied with ‘Tough morning. So I won’t cut the dome thing?’
Today was better then that day, but really most days are the same. This morning was what I consider a miracle morning, Boy gets up at about 5:30 every morning, today he slept till 7am. OMG. The Kitten came in at 6:40 and we had a lovely cuddle and chat.
Then we got up. School morning so no TV, no iPads – just get dressed and get out. Kitten was pretty good, got herself sorted with very little encouragement but needed lots of praise for each step. The Boy did dress himself after doing a nuddy run around the house chasing his sister while pretending to cut her with his hands that were knives (like the car chase scene from Terminator 2 – which he hasn’t seen!!) I’m not sure what she was screamed most about, him being naked or his pretend knives.
Then, he wouldn’t eat till he had his shoes on. He’s never worn shoes. A win in our house is pants. Or underwear and pants. Shoes, well that is just crazy talk. But today, he needed shoes to eat his breakfast. OMG, shoes on. He eats, it’s all good.
I go for a quick shower once they are ready and I go to dress. I made a mistake, I didn’t put my clothes away once I’d washed them. My bad. I wash my stuff about every two weeks, everyone else has stuff washed daily. My pile of clothes was quite big. As I pick up my clean shirt, I notice it’s damp… I smell – cat wiz. The cat or cats, have pissed on my CLEAN CLOTHES. I dump everything down the shoot and pull out clothes from my dirty hamper. Nothing makes you feel fresh in the morning like wearing what your wore the day before.
Finally get the kids in the car and the Boy decides that I need to drop him to school after Kitten. This is crazy given that if I drop her first, I have to get him in and out of the car and that in itself is a mission. I’m already a bit late, I veto him and take him first. Mistake!
He shoves his head up my t-shirt and stays there for the next 20 minutes. His teachers are trying to coax him out and he’s just so mad at me that he’s in there for the long haul. Finally I manage to cut the cord and the Kitten and I make our dash. Once we’re safely past the child gate, I tell her there’s no point running she’s already really late for school. I get her to school, get the late note of shame and drop her off. I can tell she’s not happy with only two hugs before the teacher rounded her up like an expert.
Finally I’m out of there. I need a coffee… I’ve left my mug at home. WHY? So home and back out, get my coffee mug. They laugh at me in the cafe, this makes me feel better. It’s always funny when people laugh at you. But while I was there I was having a chat on the phone to the vet. My old dog, Mac, had a severe diarrhetic episode on Monday – on the carpet, and ONLY the carpet. Upstairs, downstairs about fourteen deposits in all – it was truly a sight (and smell) to behold.
Thankfully my Husband got home first that day and he got the joyous job of cleaning it up. *fist-pump* He is now fully on board with my year long push to have our carpets (17 years old) ripped up and replaced with nothing, polished concrete – that’s it. Frankly it was worth the poo. BUT, now I have to collect faecal sample from my dog to see if she’s got something going on. Clearly this is a fun job and the baristas overhear and think I’m a vet nurse. Nope this is just my life.
So now I’m collecting poo, rewashing cat wee off my no longer clean clothes and trying to figure out what healthy meal I can put together for my family tonight.
I hope this has made you laugh, smile and appreciate the fine moments: like for me when my Boy comes in at 6am dressed as a knight, complete with sword and shield and wakes me with a kiss (yep that cute) and says “Princess, come to my castle now, on my horse, quickly!!” then he lets me sit on the couch while I’m drinking a coffee and he goes fights dragons then comes back to tell me about it, and makes sure I’m comfy and brings me a blanket or cushion to be even more comfy.
My kids do make me laugh, a lot. I’m already laughing at the craziness of today, life would be dull without them.
The Kittens Mum